Put industrial plants in bubbles, say Greens

The bubbles, similar to those used by the Eden Project in Cornwall (above), would help contain CO2 and other emissions from heavy industrial plants such as chemicals facilities and power stations, according to a Green Party spokesman.

“The coalition government has dithered over environmental policy, but the Green Party will make sure the UK takes bold steps in tackling climate change,” said the spokesman.

“So little has been done up until now that we are left with no choice but to take these radical steps against the country’s worst polluters.”

Britain has been having to put up with this “ozone layer” nonsense for decades

Ukip spokesman

Meanwhile, Ukip its environmental policies in the run-up to the general election, including the pledge to reintroduce the use of CFCs in household goods such as refrigerators and aerosols.

“Britain has been having to put up with this “ozone layer” nonsense for decades,” said a Ukip spokesman.

“Well enough is enough. Reintroducing CFCs will give a major boost to the UK chemical manufacturing sector.”

Ukip has also announced a policy to set a minimum number of additives for children’s food.

“It’s always good to have more of something than less,” said the spokesman.

“Except of course when you’re talking about immigration.”

EDITOR’S UPDATE: For those that had not yet realised, this story is an April Fool’s joke. It does not, as far as we are aware, accurately represent the policies of the Green Party or Ukip in any way. We’ve not heard of the Alf guy that wrote this piece either…